Taryn Sydow

Taryn Sydow

Her children, Brendan and Kirsten

Taryn worked at a Merchant Bank for 17 years.  By the time she left them in 2007 at the age of 33, she was on the Board, responsible for the Operational Transformation of the organisation.  Her husband Warren was already a stay-at-home dad for 5 years when she decided to start her own business.  Her son Brendan was 9½ and her daughter Kirsten almost 6 years old when she made the change.  She started her business, Optimal Coaching, in March 2007.

What inspired you to start your own business?
It’s a long story.  Upon reflection, I realise that I ended up working myself to death in a corporate organisation doing things that I didn’t really enjoy.  I probably did too much too quickly in my corporate career, stepping into on roles and positions that I haven’t grown into.  Yes, I probably had adequate technical skills, but I lacked the life experience that would have equipped me for  those roles and positions.  I lost myself as I got sucked into the game of status and money.

During a 6 month Sabbatical, I realised that what I loved most to do was to work with people and to facilitate change with groups.  I also realised that this was what really I wanted to do, and that it wasn’t happening, and wasn’t going to happen at the Bank.  I couldn’t imagine going to work in another Corporate.  So, I decided to go on my own so that I could have the opportunity to be true to myself and do things I enjoy and am good at.  I declared myself willing to live in a small house and drive a dingy car rather than work myself to death at a job that I didn’t really enjoy, and never see my family.

The fact that Warren was already a stay-home dad for 5 years at that stage made the decision to leave the corporate world tricky.  I gave myself 6 months to figure out if running my own business was what I wanted to do, and to see if it worked.  If it wouldn’t, I would go back to a job.  But if I’d decide to go back to the corporate world,  I would be much more specific about what I’d be willing to do.

What was your husband’s attitude at the time when you started your business?
He was very supportive.  I think he worried about it, but he never showed it!  He truly believed in my ability to make a success of it.  He really wanted me to be happy.

How has your business set-up evolved from when you started, up to now?
I started on my own just over 2 years ago, at my dining room table.  A few weeks later my sister walked in and saw the nightmare that was unfolding on my desk (filing is not my core strength) and she promptly appointed herself as my part-time admin assistant.  About 6 months into the business, I realised I didn’t have the capacity to handle everything that my business required.  I appointed Karen in a multi-faceted role and her help and support has been awesome.  She has done coach training in the meantime, and we are on the point of expanding the business to utilise her strengths in this regard.  

We’ve converted the dining room into an office, and I have a dedicated coaching room.  I realised that I need to separate my office and home space.  We explored setting up an office away from home, but I enjoy the flexibility around my children too much.  I definitely don’t want to give that up.  So we will be starting building work on an office next to the house soon.

What does your business entail?
Firstly, leadership coaching and development, with particular emphasis on new leaders who transition from technical expertise to managing people.  We offer a programme that shortens their time to competence in making this transition. 

Secondly, working with people who want to achieve balance and fulfilment in their lives.  This started as personal passion:   I really want to help women NOT get to where I was! 
I developed a workshop, which led to many attendants requesting individual coaching, as well as several speaking engagements.  And then I wrote a book with Michelle Wickham, “Putting the Pebbles in First”.  I learned so much in the process.  Balance and fulfilment is NOT about time management, it’s about Aligning Who You Are with What You DO.

Thirdly, we help develop high performance teams by building individual relationships within the team, and developing trust.

What principles and frames of mind guide you in life and in business? 
The “Three Circles” theory:

The idea is to find the “Sweet Spot” in the middle, and stay true to that.  That means sometimes saying NO to opportunities that look great from a distance.  In my case, this meant saying NO to setting up a structure to accredit other coaches to use the methodology in my book.  It would have been financially viable, and I would have been good at it… but I wouldn’t enjoy being a “General Manager”:  I would end up miserable, tired and lethargic because of poor alignment between the circles.  So I decided to not go that route.

My Five Year Vision:  What will I do in 5 years’ time?  Whatever will be in natural alignment then!
Personal Energy Management:  I tap into the things that give me energy, and TRY to get rid of the stuff that drains me.
Self-belief around my ability to make good choices: I can’t predict the outcomes, but I can trust my choices.
Resilience vs. Tenacity:    Resilience is the ability to process feedback, adapt what I’m doing, and follow a better approach next time.  Tenacity is if you take feedback personally and become hardegat, stubbornly doing the same things again and again.  I try to persist resiliently, rather than tenaciously.
I believe there is business everywhere: if you focus on your ability to add value, you will always have business.  If you can’t find work, you’re not looking…
I invest in RELATIONSHIPS: For me to experience a sense of fulfilment, I have to feel connected with people.  I like to nurture “old” relationships with previous business partners. And the great thing is to find how they pay off now, in difficult economic times.
Time for reflection and self-coaching is invaluable.

What resources, strategies and principles do you use to help you cope with the demands of business and family?

• I have a good maid!
• When I spend time with the kids, I do things I enjoy.  I don’t put pressure on myself to do things I don’t like,  I rather get help.  I don’t want to be irritated when I’m with my kids.  This does cause some conflict at times.  My daughter would have loved it if I baked cookies with her.  But I really don’t like baking, so we don’t.  However, we both like scrapbooking, so we do that together and we have a great time.  I also enjoy taking them out to Wimpy or Steers, or to the movies.  And to go on holidays together, to the beach, or on trips.  I like to go and watch my son’s sports matches - but not to watch them practice week after week!  I enjoy our Pyjama Mornings on Sundays when Warren plays golf:  we watch a movie together, do Scrapbooking together, take pictures … It ‘s not about the activity, it’s about the shared moments. 
• I try to keep the Talking Channels open.  I don’t get it right always – especially when I’m in the office.
• I’ve changed my mind about our home.  Household things used to be an irritating item on my “To Do” list.  But now I’ve accepted repetitive tasks like putting things away as an investment, not a chore.  And I’m deliberately investing more of ME in our home:  after I realised that our home doesn’t represent me, I am bringing more colour and flowers into it. 
• I welcome the children into my office space.  I realised that when I had my corporate job, my life was a total mystery to my family.  Now they always know what I’m doing, they know who my clients are, they know where I’m going and when I’ll be back.  Kirsten is always talking about the next workshop she is developing, and she is busy writing her own book.  She enjoys imitating me!

What mistakes have you made in your business so far;  what lessons have you learned?
I’m a great believer in partnering with people to supplement my lack of skills or passion.  I choose the right partners most times, but I have made a few expensive mistakes when I trusted people blindly.  I had to learn that other people’s values and intentions are NOT necessarily the same as mine.  And it’s very important to have a natural alignment of the different partners’ values and intentions.

I also learned to take proper care of my finances.  I outsourced mine, and sadly have to admit that in the process I abdicated my responsibility too.  I’m still sorting out some of the mess that caused!

Another lesson was that it’s very important to take time to work ON the business as well as IN the business, and to know when you’re doing what.  I manage my hours I in such a way that I can dedicate Mondays to working ON the business, and therefore I don’t see clients on Mondays.  And I never work on Friday afternoons, because that is family time. 

What mistakes have you made in terms of your family life so far? 
While I still had my corporate job  I spent very little time at home, and when I was home I was miserable, tired, ratty, irritable, depressed – even though I didn’t bring work home  And the truth is I was not “present” when I was home.

Since I’ve started the business:  Having a home office in the house is unfair towards my family.  There are always other people in the house, and my children have to keep quiet.  We all look forward to the office that we will be building outside.

Another issue is that I love my job so much, I could easily keep going 24/7!  I have to sometimes consciously remind myself that THEY (my family) don’t love my job… and get myself so far to STOP.

What differences do you experience on a PERSONAL level, if you compare your previous life in the corporate world with your current life?
My energy levels are generally much higher. I’ve learnt to use my energy levels as a barometer to keep me on track: If I’m doing the right thing, it’s very high, if I do the wrong thing, it’s very low.  So if I realise my energy is low, I sit down and figure out what drains me.
My physical health has generally been phenomenally better over the past two years.  While I worked in the bank I got sick very often (but of course just pushed myself to keep going). I realised that the combination of Responsibility and Loneliness probably made me vulnerable then, and that is still the case now.  I’m not immune against this kind of stress in my current business!
I sleep like a baby:  Previously, I never slept properly – always a light, restless sleep.  I find that I need time to still my mind before I go to bed (I use TV to do that).  But then I sleep sound and restful, right through the night.

How did your relationships with the important people in your life change?
Husband – Warren:
Although there was a positive change when I left my corporate job, I think Warren initially found it hard to have me in his space at home.  Also, while I worked in my previous job I used to be miserable  and Warren’s purpose was to make me feel better.  When I didn’t need that anymore, it really confronted him with HIS purpose!  That impacted our relationship quite a lot.  Since then, we shifted from rescuing each other to accepting each other.  We are in a very good space now, as we keep finding out how we can complement each other on our journeys of growth.  Neither of us are the same people we were when we got married.  I had to let Warren be who he is – and love him with all my heart and soul.  And I no longer want to try and change him!

I think the business probably bugs him much more than me.  It bugs him to have people in the house.  But he shows much interest, and he is involved and very supportive.

Children:
Brendan – it’s  been quite seamless.  He talks to me when he has an emotional problem, and Dad is there for all the practical stuff and the logistics.
Kirsten:   I think she resented me… She was born under very stressful conditions while I worked at the bank, so she came into a very tumultuous world in which I was often absent (I also had to travel overseas a lot).  And even when I was present, I was mostly absent.  When I stopped working, she kept asking me, When are you going…?  The first few times I did overnight workshops was very stressful for her.  There is still something in her that wants to cling to me.  She definitely LIKES me being here, and needs to know my movements.  She is very interested in what I do:  she wants to be a mini-Me!

As a whole, I am far more available and approachable – and the kids make use of that.

What advice do you have for the current generation of Mompreneurs?

• Find what you’re passionate about and do THAT, at home and in business.  Do what makes you happy and whole and content.
• Work “on” AND “in” your business.
• Nurture, nurture, nurture relationships, at home AND at work.  This becomes possible when YOU are happy!
• Don’t try to do things you’re not good at, rather pay other people who enjoy it and are good at it to do it. (Like bookkeeping, marketing, admin).  Spend that money, it will help you make money.
• Say NO to business that does not fall into your “sweet spot”.
• Stay true to who you are.
• MAKE what you want, happen for you:  “If it’s to be, it’s up to me”.  Don’t be the victim. Don’t blame society, your boss, your husband.  You ALWAYS have a choice.